Here's something my wife found, and said I should do it too. I think Steve would have serious fun with this... Well maybe he'll have too much fun doing this!
THE WAR OF 1812 AT WAL-MART
Yesterday, I wore a Vietnam Veteran cap to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to "Wally World" to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, I digress, enough of my psychological fixations.
While standing in line to check out, a younger guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked,
"Are you a Viet Nam Vet?”
"No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?”
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812....” I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?”
God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1946", I answered, as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1946?”
"It was a Black Op Mission. No one is supposed to know about it.” This was beginning to become fun!
"Dude! Really?" He exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?”
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission.”
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?”
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage.”
The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still classified 'Top Secret' and I shouldn't have said anything.”
"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look. . "Like, what's gonna’ happen if I do?”
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family, don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?”
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.
The lady behind me started laughing so hard I thought she was about to have a heart attack. I just grinned at her. After checking out and going to the parking lot, I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman.
Upon catching sight of me, he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
And these people VOTE!
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back, wearing my Homeland Security cap.
Then the next day I will go to the driver's license bureau wearing my Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty the place.
Whoever said retirement is boring? You just need to wear the right kind of cap!
See you guys at Wal-Mart!!
Retirement Humor........
Retirement Humor........
Mike
TSgt, USAF Retired
Jan 86 - Sept 08
Aircrew Life Support
"Your Life Is Our Business"
(122X0, 1T1X1, 1P0X1)
NRA Life Member
TSgt, USAF Retired
Jan 86 - Sept 08
Aircrew Life Support
"Your Life Is Our Business"
(122X0, 1T1X1, 1P0X1)
NRA Life Member
Re: Retirement Humor........
My wife came in and asked me what I was going to do today. I said nothing. She said you did that yesterday. I said I didn’t finish.
Re: Retirement Humor........
Do you mind if I use this one?
Damn, I'll bet that's going to leave a mark! Probably hurt too!
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors."
"When I die, I want to be facing my enemies surrounded by their dead bodies and piles of spent brass"
"Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Mark Twain
804
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors."
"When I die, I want to be facing my enemies surrounded by their dead bodies and piles of spent brass"
"Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Mark Twain
804
- Junk Yard Dog
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Re: Retirement Humor........
Sad but true, I have seen similar ignorance, not quite as involved as all that, and not instigated by me, but shocking all the same coming from people who are supposed to be " educated". Go ahead, pull a gun and try and force me to accompany you to that store, I will tell you to have at it and pull the trigger.
Leave it as it is. The ages have been at work on it and man can only mar it.
Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft.
Theodore Roosevelt
Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft.
Theodore Roosevelt
- Longcolt44
- Administrator
- Posts: 7574
- Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2011 4:13 pm
- Location: Loveland, Ohio
- Contact:
Re: Retirement Humor........
Just listening to the general public will make you ask, Are we all members of the same human race?
FREEDOM...USE IT OR LOSE IT!!
Re: Retirement Humor........
My actual T-shirt...
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Re: Retirement Humor........
That question is more profound than people realize...Longcolt44 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 06, 2021 7:52 pm Just listening to the general public will make you ask, Are we all members of the same human race?